Month: April 2020

Agoraphobic

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agoraphobic? nope not me, my heart yearns for the jostle, to be heave pressed within a throng of strangers, crowd held, the sheer sensual overwhelm, lost in a tide of hearts and fellows.
agoraphilliac? is that a thing
agoraphobia… my mind always stutter catches on the word, mostly as, when i was young, i thought it was aggrophobia (and indeed i am loathe to be around aggro!) and mouth mangled the word as such
actually theres a herd of words i mispronounce, yesterday i got hyperbole wrong, again, ha, i like it when i open my mouth and florid gunk gibberishes forth! word glut
as a youth i was a dismal bookworm, consequently i read words seldom uttered …sacred words that are forbidden to be spoken! else words that twister tongue cannot be pronounced
agoraphobia… fear of open spaces? actually fear of public spaces, a subtle difference, as the root etymology of the word is agora, the greek market place
basically every time i say it i imagine myself hanging out in a groovy toga and natty sandles… oh you know fist bumping plato, oiled up naked wrestling with aristotle, discussing quadratic equations with helen of troy, helping her with an lash trapped in her eye
oops i’ve digressed, was there a point? yes! i’m missing people
one of my ideal wednesdays would be ooh… lunchtime drop in meditation in the buddhist center, serene calm of the shrine room, the subtle shift of light, cloud shadows dappled from the skylight above, the summoning ring of singing bowl, open eyes to peer into the smile of the buddha
then going for coffee with a friend, gabble natter of all that is possible… peeling away for a leisurely jaunt through the North Laine, peering at all the beautiful people… clattering accidentally into a pal, long unseen, whilst hunting for mung beans in infinity foods, we hug, then swap sweet deets of forthcoming summer festies
sunset on the beach, later its a plod up the hill to dance, the ancient church of St Nicks, mad dervish whirl, howl, before subsiding into stillness… on the bus home, jolloping along the coat road, gawping at the moonlit ocean, the only other passengers 4 young efl students … who get off somewhere in the wild nether, never nowhere of peacehaven
aw, you know, NORMAL life, the thrills and pleasure of civic existence! … peeps, known, and strangers, i miss you!
spiel spool gently unravelling into words, putting off doing something more productive, like programming, or yoga… this the timbre and rhythm of lockdown daze x

dragon

dragon day! (st georges) a useful day to honour these the energies of the elements… the earth dragon, most prominent in the spring, felt viscerally through the surge of green pulsing and sweeping across the land, yet also serpents of water, air and fire… sometimes benign, often fierce, always magnificent…
within us, the same energies, coil curled around guts and gizzard, the anxious struggle writhe of scales, stirring within the emotional body… now theres the rub, how to let these flow freely?
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usual slew of selfies (gold and green) from earth day/new moon yestereve, plumped out with some from a walk around bishopstone earlier in the week… played for comedy… it’s facebook, but also selfies as theres nobody else to take snaps of, it’s just been me for the last week… but also selfies (again!)… it’s facebook …the clue is in the name…
on the whole i’m bearing up reasonably well so far, long practiced at piffling away the days, been trying to sustain a self yoga practice (it’s not easy!), meditation, diy, sea swims, the house overflows with seedlings, also audible, netflix… yet missing connection… hugging, proper physical conversations, kinaesthetic by nature, virtual world often feels as a phantasm…
grateful for the opportunity to be outside, for my comparatively comfortable circumstances
very much aware theres sorrow, grief and many problems across the globe… not just emotional, but financial difficulties looming, eek… oops many moods in few words, ha, guess we’re all somewhat jumbled up creatures at the best of times?!
love, blessings, serenity to one and all x

vishudda

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Vishudda…. the exuberant fizz of beech trees coming into soft lime leaf… a gentle blizzard, burr of brown leaf husks fills the air…
pics from yesterday, found bluebells galore!… languish surrounded by them in the dappled sunshine…
at ease amongst the elementals… this land, our land, heart yearn, magnificent in this spring, all the sweeter through these days of worry…
hope you have the fortune to spend time in the woods

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for lol:
Ha, truth is a mouthful of my ‘beautiful’mutterings is seldom far away, cept in these curious days slightly less extroverted… You and Fran are some of the many folk I always associate with Beltane bluebell-age xx

Aw and hope your keeping up with your tales (as with muddy log in bluebell woods)… World is the richer for all of us saying it into being xx