yes, sit, be soft, be kind, with these your orphaned loves
the black smoke of sorrows hangs heavy dense, acrid, cloying no single specific reason these things surface from time to time… shadows are sometimes foregrounded… rearing up, given substance beyond our imaginings often, with me, it follows a joyful, full power morning yoga melancholia seeped deep into muscles, settled, pooled in a habitual way of holding good to limber, then loosen, mbe, if possible, allow to pass?
much of it is not even our own misery some borrowed from the cloak woven by our ancestors how many times did we bury our beloved children? how often, as pastoral nomads, headed for the summer pastures, did we have to leave behind our infirm mothers, fathers, elders? in more recent days, frequently the crops would fail, else pestilence and war squat malevolently upon the land
other woe was crafted just for us… as a baby, the cries which went unheeded overwhelmed by the unknown… flinched from an imaginary blow were we held, cosseted, our needs met? gnawed by the ignore not a matter of blame, attunement is a most particular skill to master nonplussed by our sorrow
yet self more porous than we might imagine… sustained merely by the lie of its perpetual telling sadness, anger, the usual gang of neglected emotions, these with their ebb and flow, sweeping through us like a tide others borrowed from the zeitgeist (‘times ghost’), the maw of the media which chews over, spits out the myth kitty of our communal misery what the stain of trauma and abuse? climate catastrophe, how many species have thrown in the towel over the last decade? so much masked in our culture of frantic buoyancy
which of us has not poured imagination, courage and love into a project… to find it comes to naught as tho our dreams and hopes have no merit to see others flourish who has not told someone of our love for them, only to be ignored, pushed away this love, so tender, its sweet perplexed smile
yes, sit, be soft, be kind, with these your orphaned loves
Snozzcumber! that GREW in the garden!! probs shouldn’t be quite so suprised as i planted it… but miracle of a slug dodger i’ve named this one wilson… wilson pick-itt Update alas poor wilson is no more…. sunday morning yoga followed by courgette and sunshine… a great start to the day
couldn’t wait till the midnight hour tho… too peckish
Sigh … Since festie I have clearly eschewed the use of clothes… So unspiritual and a symbol of capitalist oppression… Sky clad in.B&Q
heart drenched with love, back from buddhafield, my slightly belated, a little bit exhausted, waffle appreciation post for the yearly lush bubble of buddha… soul nourished, mind frazzled yet fizzed, pure exuberance so good to see friends with their babies and toddlers, a new generation, to meet again after the grueling covid palaver beautiful pics from cc, as my phone turned off, thanks lovely x
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‘spring water flowing through a meadow and the shadows of clouds passing over the hills and the ground where we stand in the tremble of thought taking the vast outside into ourselves.’ from billy collins: directions
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we the bright shining ones a nighttime visit to the crew tent filling thermos flask with barleycup, about to head to the dance tent for a euphoric footstomping psytrance rave ah buddhafield the only time ‘barley cup and rave’ sit congruently within the same sentence else: emerging from a devotional puja to the sumptuous colours and harmony of an epic sunset lounging in the shade in a hammock, amongst the oaks and silver birches in the glade… before, eek, quick stepping up to the front gate, stewards hat on, to help out with the van fire! singing with gleeful but tuneless gusto buried within the brethern of the bass section… snoozing in the dharma parlor in a ‘work that reconnects’ workshop, grieving the loss of species and habitat, then lurching into the middle of a comedy yoga skit out on the village green these things, and yes, a lot of dancing! i so love to dance… to drums after the rituals, live music in small world, or to the bedlam cacophony in the recycling / drum and bass tent gleeful juxtaposition… each minutiae but a fractal of the whole… or vice versa?! a summoning
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i tend to wonder, wander, wind blown thistledown, seeds of the heart, going whither my feet roam… join a group, then drift away… trying to stay within the field, the aura of grace and flow… the minute i ‘want’ something/somebody the energy seeps away trust that when i acknowledge the immediacy, the intimacy of feeling… then all is fine, not to say flippin’ gorgeous it helps knowing so many people, disparate down the years, else just to turn around and share a few noodlin’ words with your neighbour the golden thread of hare magic, motif, woven through the whole festival Alala’s heartfelt recitation of a poem from memory the divine transcendence of a hug from a stranger, a lover, stopped still for eternity halfway across the field… green gold, gold green… twixt nettles and the hare an impromptu 5 minute sing-a-along and boogie in a queue for crew food chanting kirtans around the fire as the moon rises and the night time stars wheel serenely overhead
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my stewarding mostly consisted of meandering between the different steward positions, checking how everyone was getting on each a Galapagos island of conversation, chewing the breeze(?), sure, a 5 minute of perfunctory ‘hows the shift going’ which swiftly lurches in ANY beautiful and random direction: ‘vipassana and the myth kitty of each individual, unique yet eternal soul’ ‘whats your favourite flavour and colour of ice lolly?’ ‘the spirit essence of our huge ancient beech tree’ ‘the mores, foibles and manners of the 90’s crusties squat rave scene’ ‘the beauty and exquisite precision of logical thought’ ‘roll over on your back, kick your legs in the air, upturned turtle yoga!’ i always love stewarding and the whole steward team… most of it’s loafing about nattering to passers by… else laconically, on the walkie talkie, in best late night radio dj voice issuing shift advice ‘watch out for maroon motors… they always give most trouble. over’ yet occasionally something festival important happens, focus, reset: function… ‘how can i help?’ part of the joy of the steward crew is that often their fresh to the whole experience many of them the same age as my kids… i’m occasionally pondering what does it mean to become an elder? if not me… if not us… then who? if not now then when? a slow gradual transition, settlling down into this, suprisingly comforting, notion what are the energies and the postures that i wish to model? wisdom. open hearted kindness. embody boldness… that man can be a bedraggled, florid extravaganza! that world is both beautiful and often funny? that to sing and dance and chat together is astonishing, we are enough all of that and stubborn more i see too many folk, usually young men, wandering around on their own, bewildered on the fringes… these kindred… all beings are welcome, all included… some fierce yet protective dharmaparla spirit Feet Rooted in the earth, Rose Gold Rising, Arms Aloft, White Gold tumbling down… these energies to spill out from the heart, onto this land or into anothers arms… echo echo the same x as always to clutch at things with a splodge of words, acknowledge the intangible, the various… breathe
buddhabuddha
Jonnyfen: Beautiful words man! x
thanks lovely, hope to see you there next year x
Clarissa: Love this! Takes you right back there reading these beautiful words
Dinnae neglect nor forget the glorious pics too! Xx
Saoirse: Joy beyond joy, deep immersion in the moment. Blissful and radiant .
Graeme: Summation.It was a great pleasure working with you once again Richard.These words deepen a tangible gratitude for this gift we share.Ty
Yes. Ditto. Hugely enjoyed reconnecting with you, Emma and all the team. Having a role, some responsibilities… however fluffy and occasionally flakey… helps anchor the experience. In a warm, supportive, rich and stimulating environment we can all flourish… and become more who we truly are… blessings on your onward journey! xx
We be beautiful!
Sam: Was lovely to see you again Richard
You too bro! Tho, ha, that ‘neuro-bleak-batter-core’ was a dismal racket! Dunno how Cleo and Ella tolerated it… Each to their own! Xx
Ok ok secretly I loved it… Life isn’t always folk noodlin and bird song!
Sam: haha everybody loves a cheeky bit of neuro Hope you got home alright bro & are adjusting back to whatever this normal stuff is x
Ha ha… Soul is always exultant, yet mind frequently dingy and body just craves a ferocious beat!… Neuro deffo has its place … All good here, tho stopping by Saintsburys on way back from a run, smiles, let alone hugs in drastic short supply… Wishing ya ease for your transition xx
RP: Ooh, like the sound of that!
Cleo: Lovely to see you Richard! Hope you having a wonderful time back by your coast big love xx
Cleo! thanks m’dear… all pleasantly slow and gentle back in seaside sussex… today will toodle along to stanmer organics… permaculture, tea and a boogie…. adventures continueloved your warmth and beautiful energy at the festie… hope life flows sweetly with you! hug xxx
Cleo: sounds wonderful and i am glad to here your adventure continues lovely to see you again, the kindest soul and maybe the seaside will call us together someday – see you on the coastline
mushies! enuff for brekkie anyway… garlic and homegrown gorgeous courgette. yum! these are ‘blue oyster cult’… or something like that, pleurotus anyway a month or so ago i volunteered on a mushroom cultivation course up at the earth ship, in stanmer park, with brighton permaculture what better way to spend a weekend! a beautiful outdoor location, friendly folk and fascinating subject matter… my ‘job’ was mostly making tea along with some logs, we got to take home a bag of spawn impregnated straw… it loitered in the loft for a while i shocked it by dousing with cold water and then bunged it in the shed. yield! can never resist a selfie. okey dokes. pack for buddhafield!.. swim in the sea!… sunday mellow vibes everyone
aww a baby snail curled up and asleep in a courgette flower! cute …. that or she’s punch drunk sozzled into unconsciousness having gorged herself on the nectar… the blighters have utterly decimated almost everything i’ve planted…. runner beans are has-beens of all the courgette plants this is the ‘last man standing’… a pyrrhic victory… snails have been so bent on devouring the others this plant has mostly survived… one fruit looks like it will make it to harvest. yay courgette flowers are super on salads… tho might give this one a miss… plenty of vitamins in snail slime? toms are looking good tho the devastation is the same every year. you’d think i’d learn. try something different? apparently not! i don’t mind. spiral shells… mystic beauty evicted to the patch of great willow herb down the far end of the yard anyway stuff to do! x
Megan: If you plant lots of garlic, onions, leeks, etc. around the plants they like it keeps them away (to some degree).
chess… when playing this ancient and intriguing game, best to dress to impress, like some ottoman panjandrum! with left over birthday money from mum i ordered a chess set and a book of puzzles, arrived today. fun ……… my latter years, once my dance career is complete, will be spent playing chess in a park, on a hill over looking the turquoise sea each morning I shall set out the pieces and recite poetry, sitting there in the shade of an ancient tree, surrounded and succumbed to Roses opponents will come. opponents will go. the hustle is moderate to lucrative a beautiful old town nestles somewhere down below, meditteranean… spain? italy? Praha-on-sea? yet the stillness rhythmically punctuated by the ullululation of a mosque… daydreamy artifice need not be overly specific n’ realistic in the distance a band plays flamenco inspired music, sometimes mournful, often more euphoric. latino… frangipanni … jacaranda … bouganvilea as i ponder the board, half an eye wanders to the endless variety of beautiful folk meandering by, dog walkers, book readers, jugglers, kids… many stop to tell me about their lives, i nod sagely. KnxB Check!
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(as i’m clearly prone to waffle)… i loved chess as a kid… sport of kings? that and table tennis… best games ever… do all programmers adore chess? i was the captain of the school team… top board… which sounds impressive… but when its a drear bog standard british comprehensive… i think i was the only oddball actually interested… many of the other pupils dressed as mods and spent all day being brusque and gambling with games of ‘penny up the line’… tho yeah in hindsight that sounds fun too! i even played at cobham chess club… clive craigmile (craig clivemile?) took me along most weeks, there was me and one speccy kid, he was good, and lots of earnest, intelligent middle aged men chess clocks with the looming impending doom of the flags… a genius invention… notation pads to jot down every move an air of intense concentration. humbugs, in fact every variety of boiled sweet… oh and pipes! surely them bods were smoking pipes? clever
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i almost posted a black and white photo… to comply with the underlying chess cliche… but decided the colours were far too lush and sumptuous to waste
‘chess a game for clever and serious people’, a selfie obvs, tho as befits all attention to detail folk, i set the board up so i’d lose to fool’s mate on the next white move… hence the glum… well scholars mate actch, but ya get the drift x
Roast Avocado and Asparagus, on a base of quinoa, with spinach, orange and almonds! washed down with a czech lager… oh and an equally green view from the downs first attempt from a birthday recipe book from my sis, tasty! tho somehow warm avo has the unique quirk and kink of something from the 70’s i was half expecting the suggestion of a vegan prawn cocktail for starter and pink angel delight for pud?! this despite the fact i doubt i tasted an avo before ooh 85.. back in the seventies of my childhood it was but a colour for bathroom suites the zeppelin of cuisine (well if your middle class brit like me) has clearly drifted in the direction of the moon (new instagram moon in cancer)
everybody loves a cheeky bit of neuro 
Hope you got home alright bro & are adjusting back to whatever this normal stuff is 
x
big love xx
lovely to see you again, the kindest soul and maybe the seaside will call us together someday – see you on the coastline
