Errol Brown (part 2)

ooh and Cliff Richard gave a concert at our school, he turned up in a canary yellow Rolls Royce, personalised number plate, sold his autograph(!), then gave some gabble all about that god bloke. finally performing a few songs on request
everybody hollered for ‘Devil Woman’, but curiously he refused!

he lives in St Georges Hill Weybridge, billionaires row, which somewhat sadly is where the Diggers set up their commune
you know the one that Billy Bragg belts out in that song
‘It was 1642, the Diggers came to St Georges Hill….’ or some such
dead thread said fred, but i will witter on with the usual harmless egotistical eccentricity
one summer we spent painting a house in Talland bay Cornwall,
’tis very therapeutic perched 20ft up a ladder, paint brush in hand gawping at the ocean.
..and the place has beautiful purple rocks.. and an eleventh century church..and
Of an afternoon we’d amble around the coast path, to Polperro and then sit in the pub for umpteen hours and pints,
before a precarious moonlit trips traipse stumble home over the cliffs

Most day we’d meet Richard Madeley on the path, as he had a holiday cottage nearby.
He is not a man who knows doubt, he’d boom out a hearty ‘hello’ then stride by, in shorts, walking boots and wooly socks.
oh and a shoulder height staff.
we’d always hope he’d say ‘good morning’ or ‘this morning’ or something tv programmish. but nope

Anyway on the last day, car packed up, we’re just pulling out the drive.
Pam is changing her trousers in the car, no idea why as we haven’t even left.
Mr Madeley walks vigorously past, i say ‘go on then’, she says ‘step on it’
so as we speed past she moons Richard. ha!
The only prob being that, much as i love old volvos, top speed, fully laden, uphill, on an armslength wide cornish country lane ,is not very top speed at all.
It took an embarrassing age to drift past him.
finally we were away. phew!
In the rear mirror a much amused Madeley is shaking his staff threateningly. ho hum

zoey ball knows me… but i don’t know her
i was in the sea life center, when she came over and said hello to me, sad to say i gave a ‘what is it now zoey’ type shrug.
but that was only because i was mesmerised by the herd of pirranhas gobble gloop glooping behind her head!

she was with her nipper and she seemed friendly… and remarkably tall
i don’t suppose Brighton celebs count as everybody has a eubank or two

RichardB, you deserve your own TV series…

ah thank you, a frightenning concept!

a film maybe?

my friend Dee was in Flash Gordon, you know the camp 1980’s one with Brian Blessed
‘Flash aaah saviour of every one of us’
Even better, she was the ice queen ‘Queen of Fridgidaire’. ho ho

ee and Struan are dreadful lushes, their house has a roof terrace which overlooks the dome of the Hanbury ballroom,
precarious steep on all sides, some good garden gnomage though, evrey time i visit i get so trashed i can hardly climb back down the ladder. gulp. come plummeting through that dome one day.
anyway Struan is apparently the real life model for Mr Rude

as they’re best friends with Adam Hargreaves the Mr Men heir!

his job consists of going to work in the shed at the bottom of the garden, drawing round the bottom of his coffee cup
getting out the felt tip pens, then colouring in the circle to make a new Mr Man
that’d be the job for me

I bumped into Andrew Flintoff in a hotel at heathrow teh other week
he is even taller than Zoey Ball!
The whole rest of the England team were probably there too, hiding behind the palms in the atrium
i doubt i’d have recognised them anyway


good story. ho hum

Wendy from Transvision Vamp!

Once when i was living in Barcelona, she was filming a video in Plaza Real which entailed flounce dancing around the fountain
admiring her balance, i said to my friend ‘hello that’s whatsername!’
i presume she was startled by an english accent. stumbled, stopped what she was doing and peered down from on high at me, just like an incredibly long legged stork
then pronounced in a finest Looondon accent ‘ere, what are you doing ere then’
sadly she was then bustled away by a coterie of bodyguards and minders, not to be

‘ere what are doing ere then’ though

Once at a party I met Jonah Louie, mostly forgotten now
he once sang ‘You’ll always find me in the Kitchen at Parties’ – ‘cept i found him in the queue for the loo
Jonah as befits his name was a bit down on his luck and somewhat glum.
being, as ever, a drunken twerp i took it upon myself to cheer him up!
‘don’t be sad Jonah’, so every time I’d see him i’d sing some of his song lyrics
I sang Bang Bang (lyrics below, as it’s a rather marvelous song)
only later did i discover that it wasn’t even his song, but had pipped him to the number one spot and was actually by B A Robertson
….. oh well

B.A. Robertson Bang Bang Lyrics

The straight jacket of true love’s fine bang, bang
If you’re Houdini in your spare time bang, bang
Lord Nel and Lady Hamilton they fought for love
When he come home from the war he gave her what for love
The mighty fall when love has called

Vampire friends desire to lust – fang fang
They fall on necks then fall in love – pang pang
The Marquis de Sade was happy with a stroke of love
Sherlock Holmes alone preferred a little toke of love

Bang, bang, the mighty fall
Bang, bang, when love has called
Bang, bang, the mighty fall

Tony and Cleo struck out for the freedom down Egypt’s way
But Caesar had squeezed her in Rome on his quilt for a day
Hey, hey

Now Anthony got really angry
About old Caesar’s hanky panky
She told em she would use em
And boy did she abuse em
Fall in love and blew em away

Bang, bang, the mighty fall
Bang, bang, when love has called
Bang, bang, the mighty fall
Bang, bang

And Sam and Delilah they both we should file under fool
‘Cos when the temple start to crumble
Sammy for his comb did fumble
Life was in a ruin, she loved Johnny Fruin
Fall in love and blew em away

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.