beauty dwelling on loss

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beauty dwelling on loss… ah the 5 of cups, always one of my favourite tarot cards, came up in a reading for a friend a few weeks back, then i was telling my sis about it, so have been mildly pondering
minor arcana, so on a pleasantly worldly scale, none of the overwhelming grandiosity of some of the trumps, but to my eye also profound
as a daydreamy cancerian i’m drawn to cups, the suit of water, of emotions… often the problem of procrastination and pondering… emminence grise is always keats, with his beautiful melancholia
this card always makes me think of hamlet, the black prince, tho the Rider Waite Smith image is possibly a bit ‘scottish widows’
a figure contemplates 3 cups spilled, in the distance a bridge leads across a pleasant river to a tree thronged church, the sky is light grey and nondescript
as the figure has its back to us we naturally associate with them, are drawn into their world, so are inclined to ask, what is it that we have lost?
it’s actually a fairly benign card, in this moment she has neglected to notice the 2 cups left standing, focusing rather on that which is lost (‘And no more turn aside and brood / Upon love’s bitter mystery’),
yet we all know that in time, she will pick up the remaining cups and proceed across the river to whatever new adventures will unfurl
where will that path take us? from the image most likely a warm and human place
So a gentle reminder that however bleak things may seem, it may well not be as bad as we imagine?
even the forbidding cascading black cloak has subtle hints of blue and heart chakra green… Sorrow, but not quite despair… and if it is despair, which often it may feel like, that is not all the energies that are present
curiously when i was thinking about the card on my bike ride i remembered it as 2 knocked over and 3 standing (the other way around!), so have tended towards a rosier interpretation
it’s a useful card for anyone of middle age… waaggh so many things that have been lost!
ha, just thinking now, theres something of gloomy introspection here, keep expecting her to glance around and smile… often when i am sad i go off to some amazing natural place, but despite the introspection, theres always a slight element of ‘hope someone notices how poetically beautiful i am’
i think many folk would be infuriated with her… ‘stop your moping, get on with it’, but hey the ‘live in the moment gurus of perpetual positivity’ are ten a tuppence (inflation used to be a penny)
sometimes the past is important
It is only cups, which, with a rich beguiling brew of dreams and memories, reminds us, that yes, there is sadness, but nothing which we truly love can ever be lost
fractal hologram realm, sweet ponged perfume of the myriad petalled Rose of the Heart


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triffid! er triffid-odil? crocodile? daffodil!
had almost forgotten that yes green things do-eth grow… then up pops one of these nod head sunshine flavoured smile emojii’s… pic is a bit grainy, a la the big foot ness monster… but ya get the idea
seems remarkably early? another sign that the seasons are scuppered… but at least hope that the long plod through darkness may not be entirely endless

lovely afternoon away from work up at the permie plot in stanmer, unite the beat were running a tactile and funky sound workshop too
good fun, i was on lead watering can… slosh splosh rhythms, plus you get to soak all your fellow band members too!

snowdrops keep falling on me head… tra la la

James: Exciting ~ the wave will spread oop north from you before we know it. I’ll get my speedos out the loft 😄


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murk. yes murk, presiding deity and chief emotion of the season
the beach a rhapsody in beige, demerera sand, sea of uncouth sewage, sky? indistinguishable, but a tipple more grey
yet, reluctantly shrugging off my dislike, soft landings, a glowing, form summons forth from the soup!… bask in this subtle candescence, world, and mind, abides in a richness of pattern
… couple of pics, then head to lidl for chocolate, beer and pistachios!
ha, yet, woke up this morning, with the intention of full heartedness, like when singing? then found myself sobbing whilst juicing vegetables
no harm. sorrow, grief, loss – a certain sweetness, inevitable and natural part of our humanity… acceptable poster boy, for the horsemen of low mood?
plus, the salt of tears adds a taste frisson to the brew of beetroot and broccoli stalks
meditation, yoga, tax return, a robin singing atop a bush, first small stirrings of green, rummaged down, there amongst the mud. murk


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aw hugh masekela has died, abiding memories of being on a kibbutz, aged about 20, hanging out with the SA hippies, Luke, Anna and Carrie, working in the kitchen… cranking Wimoweh up to full volume, grooving to the trumpet solos, flinging saucepans and dishcloths to each other in time with the rhythm!
bizarrely all we ever listened too was pat metheney and hugh masakela. will be playing all day. RIP
back to work!

mauve grey

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mauve grey, grey mauve, but never mauvais. Ajna. realm of clarity and imagination. sea in tumult. sea in spate. the clack then see-e-the of the white be-marbled ocean
wind very much against, ha, on the bike bash, long slog home

hannah: Oooh, cycling into the wind makes me angry! #angerissues ha! We need to get together sooooooon! x

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ah but counter balanced by the super bionic, full power, thrill of the wind behind!!
heading for home, i just get my dogged determined head on ‘this too shall pass’
ooh yes, hi time i met the bairn (before he heads off to university! ha) you working at the mo? xxx


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batten down the hatches! wind, rain, perpetual january… programming in the loft, as tho storm tossed sodden, marooned, far, far out to sea
the dubious and lurid solace of early 90’s rave anthems! unleash the crusty jugglers x
works better with the music on!

Heather: Haha go rich! I’m sure those Bermuda shorts look familiar, are they still being worn in the dancefloor?

Charlotte: Nothing better that 90’s rave……..a good throwback !!

Beep boop chugga beep, and other dayglo rhythms x

laurie lee

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26th June… Laurie Lee shares my birthday… ha, no m’dear, not quite the same year
a somewhat blowsy and overblown Romanticism, the Cancerian daydreamy-ness, a reluctance to allow more than a smidgin of reality to impinge
haven’t read any of his books since teenage years, in retrospect, ‘as i walked out…’ ,his tale of youthful wandering in spain, was quite influential
better than sharing a birthday with stalin.

lees writing cheerfully weaves across the border twixt sublime and twee… bucolic, rhapsodic english pastoralism at its warmest
heritage, before the notion was invented, saved from being chocolate box by the rhythm and tenacious life wormed deep within his words…. sunset in flower-full may

…prompted by listening on the bus to brighton and back… plummy but often lush


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consider the cephalopods! yer octopusses (i spy an octopii), squid and sundry cuttlefish… such astonsishing, amazing, beautiful creatures!
a brouhaha of pondering aloud to Finn whilst strolling up the cliffs in the sunshine (a tolerant lad), else further musing, when cooking a huge cauldron of dahl at 7:00 this morning
of course i am basing all speculation on having met a very small one once, for a few brief moments, whilst snorkling off the tropical coast of the americas decades ago…
we gave each other a beaky eye… before she skulked off to hang out neath a rock… and i cheerfully varmoosed for the surface, lungs long forgotten about oxygen… as an aside, never forget to gob in your mask folks
also the extraordinary footage of one on the blue planet a few months back… and an exhumed LRB article from last summer…
a few things:
‘They are sophisticated problem solvers, they learn and can use tools; and they show a capacity for mimicry, deception and, some think, humour’. wow
they communicate by changing colour!
they’re sort of molluscs, giant baggy, be-tentacled, shell less snails!
half of their neurons (brain stuff!) are in their tentacles
they are utterly nothing like us! our closest common ancestor was a blind spineless worm 600 million years ago…
and they have eyes
what this means, is that 2 of lifes most preposterous miracles: consciousness and the eye, evolved completely independentally TWICE on the same planet, genuinely gobsmacked
what might be some of the usual drivers for intelligence/consciousness?… dunno… omniverous behaviour to exploit and flourish in an environment of opportunity and complexity?
social behaviour… dolphins, wolves, us… all have rich social interactions…
longevity, takes time to learn stuff…
culture, most of our much vaunted knowledge is what somebody extraordinarily bright worked out and taught to other folk
yet octopusses don’t talk to each other, completely anti social with their own species… billy no mates… and they live less than 4 years
proper gnarly! truly bizarre and beautiful beasts! …oops, all this eight limbed enthusiasm, on tentacle tenterhooks, yeah, yeah best get back on with work