Rantings and Railings

Nobody ever gets there head stuck in railings anymore!
Back in the 70’s you could barely walk down the street without some child stuck and being attended to by Firemen
Whats wrong with the kids, the Yootha Joyce of today
Have childrens heads got bigger, and won’t fit through? All that brain food, omega this omega that, something fishy (oil) if you ask me.
And don’t get me started on the lamentable lack of quicksand
a tired time of year, heres an old email

one morn, yonks ago when we were living in Crouch End
pam stormed off out to uni after a row. right! I thought, I shall storm out too, and, and sort out the recycling!
So I did slamming the flats front door behind me.ooops only i didn’t have my keys.
couldn’t get into the flat and as the front door had a dead lock couldn’t get out i was marooned in the corridor. no mans land.
Help! Help! Au secours, I stuck my fingers out the letterbox, like the wafting tentacles on a coral polyp?
Then i hollered. hollered some more. A talking letterbox?
eventually a postie arrived. ‘cor mate, thought you were some small kid, saying hello. i’ll call the fire brigade’
One hour later a fire engine arrived. six burly chippendales sauntered over.
‘How can we help, it’ll cost you 120 quid if we break the door down’
by now, a bit cabin feverish i was somewhat irrate and blustered barnacles.
‘120 , you must be blooming joking. i’ll wait! hrrrumphhh. You can go off and rescue a cat. pew pew barley mcGrew’!
Amazing how bold and rude you can be to burly folk, when safely locked behind a strong door
So away they went.
By now our friendly neighbours were alerted, thgey popped by and posted me some lunch, sandwiches, a small carton of drink, a banana and tobacco, surely it should be an essential requirement of package design ‘in an emergency can this food be posted?’
tyhey also phoned pams uni to try and get her to come home, to no avail
finally after 3 hours of thumb twiddling, somebody came home and let me out.
one week later pam got a note in her uni pigeon hole ‘go home. now. boyfriend locked in corridor’

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